Friday, May 20, 2016

Yes, it's been a very long time.

There are lots of reasons for the long silence.  One is that I haven't been doing much.  The other is that I've been working through a longer-than-usual bout of depression.  And the third is that I screwed something up, or Blogger did, and I effectively lost communication with this blog for quite a while.

I've been playing mostly with a couple of guys here.  Haven't really tried to reach out much, which is mostly an indication of the depression.

One guy is a kind of a puzzle.  He's a mover and shaker in a local Leather club, but doesn't have much experience with Leather.  Basically, he wants fucked.  Loudly and frequently.

Which is fine with me, except that he has a canned sound track which sounds like lit came from a very bad 80's porn clip.  I'm fine with the bottom dude making noise.  Really.  But enough, already.  I have several gags, but I don't like using gags.  I like unrestricted access to his mouth.  I think the answer may be a threesome with someone else's dick in his mouth while I attend to business at the back end.

The depression is lifting.  I've been out of town for quite a while, traveling in the RV.  But I'm headed home now, and I'll try to have more amusing anecdotes for whoever may still be reading this.

Friday, January 22, 2016


Most of my hookups are planned at least a day ahead.  But yesterday morning I was really horny, and my planned adventures for the weekend seemed too far away.  I didn't want to just jack off and get on with the day.  So I turned on my BBRT and A4A profiles and did chores and errands.

While I was out, I got a message on A4A.  He said he was "horny as hell" and wanted it now. So we figured out the timing, I got back to the house and showered, and waited.  I'd given him what I thought were pretty good directions, but he got lost and had to backtrack.  When he arrived, I went out to greet him and show him where to park in the complex.

He was as advertised: 48, a compact body, nice smile. Ordinary guy, size S. We walked in the house, and he spent a few minutes talking to my dog: he said he loved dogs and had two.  What  kinds? A Pekinese and something even smaller.  Why do gay men usually have tiny dogs?

He'd said he'd like to rinse off when he got here.  We made out for a while; he was a tentative kisser, but seemed to like the attention I gave him. I showed him the bathroom; like a good host, I'd put out a clean towel.  I stripped down to a jock and lay on the bed while he splashed around in there.

He came out and hopped on the bed with me, and we were off to the races.  Almost literally: his diffident approach to making out was gone ... he latched on to my nipples and went to town.  Now, that's a sensitive place for me.  Properly handled, I can almost cum just from nip work.  But not mauling, which is what he was doing and asking for.  If I'm at the edge of orgasm, a real sharp bite on my nipple will take me over the edge, but not the tugging and hauling and pinching and biting he was wanting to do.  So I tell him to simmer down and get on my cock, which was real uncomfortable in the jockstrap.  He goes down and pulls it out, and a lets loose with a stream of Spanish which I don't entirely understand, but the word "pinga" is used a lot, and his eyes are wide.  In English I got "That's a HUGE cock!" He's turned on.  He licks it and sucks the head and then swallows it whole.  No gag.  Nice! He's pretty good at cocksucking, and I have to work not to cum too soon.  I swing us around so I can work his tits the way he likes it while he sucks my cock.

The whole time, he's doing a narration in the third person:  Does Daddy like that?  Daddy has big balls, too!  Oh, Daddy, work my tits!  We move around, so he can get at my dick from different angles.  I play with his ass a little, he responds, and I begin to be hopeful that maybe I'll get to fuck him.  But no: Daddy, you're too big!  OK, then.  Suck away! It's feeling good; I tune out his porn soundtrack and focus on the sensations and the energy pouring out of him.  And then I reach out and touch his dick, which is real hard. His profile claims 6 inches. Well, if that's 6 inches, I'm packing 8.  And I'm not.  But he sure likes having it played with (who doesn't?) so I swing around, put him on his back, and climb on... Daddy's gonna bottom, dude!  It was like taking a biggish finger: no discomfort, just good times.  He's not even beginning to reach my prostate, but the stimulation around the edges of my hole are real good.  I ride him for a while and he strokes my cock while I do, and I almost cum... but I'm not done.  I swing off and he gets on all fours and sucks on my balls while I play with his ass a bit (ever hopeful!) and then I reach over and grab his dick, and it's over.  "Oh, NOOOOO!" and he unloads.  "NOOOO!  Too soon!" and all kinds of other noises we all make during ejaculation.

He looks up at me, says he's sorry.  No worries, dude! He sucks me off a while, I cum on his face; he carefully turns away so none gets in his mouth. We pull apart, and talk a while.  I'm done: he's not very interesting,  as it turns out.  We exchange first names, for the first time.  He showers the cum off his body, we hug, and he leaves.

So I got off with minimal effort.  I'm not horny anymore, so I go offline and take the RV to the emissions testing place and renew the registration.

Monday, January 18, 2016


The party was in the host hotel for a big national Bear event.  I was there because a fuck-buddy of mine who had moved out of town came back to see old friends, and hosted a party in his room. When I came in, the host was there with his event roommate and one other guy, J, whom I had topped a year or so ago.  The host came to greet me; we made out for a while, and others came in.  (Eventually there were something like a dozen large guys in a small hotel room!) The host greeted them all, and then went back to sucking J's dick.  I would up making out with the roommate and then with K, a very cute cub, who then went down on me for a nice long sloppy blow job. The host, in the mean time, was getting fucked hard and long by J.  I resisted cumming while the cub was working on me; if I had, that would have ended the evening for me right then, and I really wanted to fuck the host. K and I switched places for a while, and then we took a break.  He wound up lying on the other bed with a guy working on his dick… eventually he busted 2 loads for that guy in less than 30 minutes.  Ah, youth!   

I wound up making out with and getting sucked by 2-3 other guys, one of whom pressed a piece of paper into my hand with his name and phone number.  By now, I was only half-hard, but still horny.  By the time the host and I intersected again in the crowd, there was no way he was going to get me hard enough to penetrate him. So I relaxed and in 2 minutes or less I came down his throat.  

He and I talked briefly,  and he moved on.  A couple of guys who’d seen me cum and heard some comments about my cock came over and wanted to play with it … it was clear to me that I wasn’t gonna get fully hard again anytime soon, but it felt good anyway.  After a while I found my clothing and got myself put together, said good-bye to everyone, and left after about 2 hours.  

Take-home lesson: in a group situation, I should not expect to fuck a lot, if at all.  Unless I can control the sequence of events so that a bottom is available for fucking reasonably soon after I’ve first gotten hard, penetration is probably not gonna happen. That’s OK, as long as I don’t get my self trapped into thinking that unless I penetrate someone the evening is a loss.  This time I had really wanted to get inside the host, because we'd been pretty close before he moved the NYC, so I wound up a little down about the evening.    

Thursday, January 14, 2016


Sleepsack scene at Smokeout a couple years back.
This guy brought his own sleepsack.  Cost him a mint. 

A while back I wrote a long essay in which I talked about how my personal journey fit into what I understood of the history of the leather scene.  I wrote: 

I first sought out leather not because I had any accurate sense of what it really was, or that I needed what it uniquely offered.  I sought out leather because I was lonely and scared.  I had cut ties with almost every aspect of my life up to that point. I sought out leather because what I read suggested it might take the place of the gym buddies, climbing partners and river rats my aging body had forced me to leave behind.  I wanted "tribe," and leather seemed like it might be that. 

Leather hasn't quite worked out that way.  There was no Leather tribe in the city where I live, and thus no mentors, no buddies to swap lies with.  I did find some people in the local pansex BDSM club who taught me enough about bondage and whips and the like so I wasn't dangerous.  And then I learned from my bottoms, bless their horny needy little asses!  I made the obligatory pilgrimages to San Francisco, was accepted into one of the oldest men's BDSM clubs, and learned some more.  I got pretty good at the whole BDSM  Top thing.  If you want, I can turn your back into hamburger.  Or put welts on your butt that last for days.  Or not...  I discovered that being a Leather Tourist in San Francisco or Denver or Palm Springs or Vegas was often not worth the time and trouble, and lately I've been staying closer to home and playing with guys who come to the area on business, or who live here. Grindr isn't my  place, but Scruff and BBRT do pretty well by me.  

These days, what I mostly want is a good fuck and some snuggling afterwards.   

Leather has always been about masculinity, one way or another. I come across as pretty masculine; some guys really like that.  Some guys like the "Daddy" vibe that kind of comes with ... and some just want to get fucked until their eyes roll back in their head.  Works for me!

Maybe I'll have more to say before the party. I want to talk about age differences and being seen as a troll. But I have a Saturday presentation to prepare.  

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Getting ready

One of the differences between younger me and older me is that I need to do more preparation for an upcoming sexual encounter.  Not necessarily for the "blow job in the bathroom" kind of deal, but for fucking.  I'm usually a top, so the careful prep which bottoms need to do isn't part of the drill: a good shower is plenty, and some of my current fuckbuddies are into sweaty balls and pits, and ask that I NOT shower.  Well, alrighty then!

But if the plan is that I'm gonna fuck someone, here's what's involved.  If this seems like it takes some of the spontaneity out of sex, yup!

I've been injecting testosterone in my butt once a week for a couple of decades. As a result,  my T levels average out to what a healthy young man would experience.  Which is fucking awesome, but the key word is "average."  I experience a weekly cycle, in which increased T leads to increased estradiol (E2) before it all evens out in a few days. ( Look up "aromatization.")  In the high E2 days, my libido is pretty low, and I generally feel as bitchy as a woman just before her period.  For about the same reasons! I've tried to use another drug to moderate this effect, but it's tricky to get right.  This week, since my shot was on Monday, I should be prime for the Friday party.  Wednesday would not be so great.

I take Cialis.  I get a liquid form from a website which makes various chemicals available for "research" purposes.  My insurance doesn't cover "real" Cialis, and it costs a mint. I've tried the other PDE5 inhibitors like Levitra and Viagra and Cialis works best for me.

I use a cock ring.  Looks kinda cool, and helps maintain an erection.

And I just discovered an over-the counter "boner pill" which Mr. S sells called "Hotrod" -- heheh.  I've always been dismissive of these herbal boner pills, but damn!  This stuff works.  And it's even more helpful the next morning!

When all of this works, as it usually does, I can get hard and stay hard and we both get what we're looking for.  When it doesn't, everyone is disappointed and I sulk for days.

It would be easier if I didn't like fucking so much. But I do.  I really do.  That moment when my cock slides into his hole is pure bliss on lots of levels.  Part of it ties into the fact that in the Leather/BDSM world, I'm a dominant top.  Which leads to my next post, about me and Leather.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Party coming up!

I've decided. I'm going! There's a party this Friday in conjunction with a national Bear get-together.  The main attraction at the party is a kid I used to play with regularly before he moved to New York.  We were gonna just get together in his room, but he has LOTS of guys he wants to reconnect with, and it turned into a party in his hotel room, and then that got combined with another party in the same hotel, so it's gonna be a pretty big group.  The hosts are supplying booze and snacks; "bring your own poppers."  I know the hosts, the kid, and one of the probable attendees.

These are serious food and drink people.  They're Bears -- of course!  There's been some discussion online about whether the kid could bring a particular kind of Icelandic liquor called Brennivin, which seems unavailable out here in the wilds of a small Western city.

I was hesitant about seeing this guy.  We were just beginning the long slow curve from fuckbuds into a relationship when he decided to move.  I agreed with all his reasons, and made no effort to talk him out of it. I miss him. I miss his sexual energy and creativity, and I miss his sense of humor and human warmth. I miss snuggling with him.  I miss the wonderful food he'd sometimes prepare for us. I was a little worried that sharing sex with him again would make me sad all over again. Now that our sex will be in the context of a biggish party, I'm not so worried.  And I'm real horny, which tends to override most hesitations.

So off I'll go.

I've decided to make my posts here fairly short.  The next one will talk about what I do to get ready for this kind of event.

Monday, January 11, 2016

Well, here goes

Taking a deep breath.  What's this, and who am I?

I'm a 72-year-old guy who's attracted to guys.  I'm not an "older" man: I'm an old man.  I admitted my attraction to men about 7 years ago... to myself, to my wife and family, to the people I worked with. So this is all pretty new. I'm told I'm a quick learner.

There will be some posts about how I got to today, but it'll mostly be about how things are right now, and going forward.  It'll be about sex in the world of old guys. I've shared a lot of my experiences with a few friends, but I'm enough of an exhibitionist to want other people to know about this.  I want other old guys to know that you're not alone, and I hope you share your experiences, either in comments or on your own blog.  I want younger men to have a glimpse of what old guys are experiencing.  The world in which you grow old will not be like my world, but you will grow old.

 If you feel so moved, help me build an audience.  Make suggestions for how to make this better.